 Let's talk about Marriage first and then we will discuss Divorce... Many people fail at marriage because the "lustful" love that you had when you first met fades. TV and movies try to sell us the romantic love that never ends and that wonderful gooey feeling that never goes away. But what we never see on TV is the ugly side of life. Your real life spouse that wakes up in the morning with bed head hair, pillow marks on their face. They get dressed and leave their dirty underwear on the floor. They burp at the dinner table. They step on your feelings now and then. They embarrass you in front of your friends or family. They lose their good job. They spend money you were saving to get the car fixed on a new stereo. Etc, etc, etc...... What does the Bible say that love is.... John says that love is of God. 1 John 4:7-8 "Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is begotten of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love." The most compelling scripture on Love can be found in 1 Corinthians 13:1-13. Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become as sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away. When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love. It says that Love is long suffering, bears all thing, endures all things and never fails. Does that mean you will never fight? No. Does that mean that you will never hurt your spouses feelings? No. What it does mean is that even when your feelings are hurt, even when you are mad you forgive. Forgiveness is a big part of love. If we treated our spouse with the love and the forgiveness that we give our children, then there would never be any divorce. What do you do when your toddler colors on your new expensive wallpaper? Do you send him to live with the neighbors? No, you deal with the problem and forgive. What do you do when your child get caught cheating at school? Do you change the locks on the door and never let them back in? No, you deal with the problem and forgive. What do you do when your teenager wrecks the car? Do you disown him from the family and send him away? No, you deal with the problem and forgive. Matthew 6:14-15 says "Your heavenly Father will forgive you if you forgive those who sin against you; but if you refuse to forgive them, he will not forgive you." Wow that is pretty powerful scripture. Do we expect God to forgive us of ALL of our sins? Then, God expects us to forgive the sins of our spouses in the same way. People forget that marriage is more that what happens in the bedroom. And what happens in everyday life will affect your life in the bedroom. When you have piles of dirty laundry to do and a messy house to clean, lawn to mow, car to fix, do it joyfully. Your service to your family is your service to God. Love your spouse with your life. I am sure that everyone has read what the Bible has to say about the roles of wives and husbands in Ephesians 5:22-33. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it, that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.'' This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. Now this might tell us a lot about the spiritual condition of some women today. Look at the way they are treating their husbands. If we look at how we submit to the Lord, then we can see how we should be submitting to our husbands. What is submission? It is obedience. We know that this does not mean slavery like obedience. But that we should allow our husbands to be the head of the house. Be the leader. Our submission to the Lord is with love, reverence and respect. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church. That's a big love! How did Christ love the church? He laid his life down for it. He forgave our sins. He loves us whether we are good or bad. The Bible also says in Colossians 3:19 "Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them." 1 Peter 3:7 "Likewise you husbands, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered." If the husband is not honoring his wife, then his prayers to God are hindered. In the Old Testament, marriages were arranged by the family. People did not date, fall in love and then marry by their own choice. This apparently was a perfectly fine way of handling marriages, because the human race still exists today. Now let's talk about divorce, here are some instances that divorce is permitted in the Bible. Deuteronomy 24:1-4 says if a man finds no favor in his wife or she is unclean, then he can send her away with a bill of divorce. This wife is free to remarry. But, if he changes his mind and wants his former wife back, this scripture says that he may not remarry her. This same passage is in Jeremiah 3:1, where Jeremiah uses it as an analogy for the leaving/rejection of God. These same principles are mentioned by Paul in Romans 7:1-3. 1 Corinthians 7:10-17 says that if a believing spouse has an unbelieving husband or wife and the unbeliever wants out of the marriage, then they are permitted to divorce. However, if the unbeliever wants to stay in the marriage, then the believer must stay in the marriage as a witness to their unbelieving spouse. Matthew 5:31-32 and Luke 16:18 say that if you divorce you may not remarry, unless the other partner committed adultery. The innocent party of the divorce is permitted to remarry, but the guilty party is committing adultery if they remarry. So, to sum this all up. If you divorced your first spouse because he/she committed adultery, then you are free to remarry again. If you divorced for "irreconcilable differences" or "no fault" then both have committed adultery if you remarried. Now, what is in the past is past. God can and will forgive us of our sins if we are willing and to humble ourselves before the Lord and confess. Love is a choice. You choose to love or not love certain people in your life. When you are "not in love" with your spouse anymore, than that is a conscious choice of yours to not love that person. And you have chosen not to love them and love someone or something else. From the previously mentioned scriptures, we know that this is sinful. We must follow these Biblical principles to have the type of marriage that God expects to have. It doesn't say we will always be happy. It isn't self seeking. It is a pure, blind, whole hearted love. This is the only way to keep happiness in a marriage. This is the only way to save your marriage from divorce. We should look to God's word for answers to our marital problems and obey what God says. If a spouse refuses to do this then they should examine the realness of their salvation. Marriage Ministry Links Adultery - An exploration of Love and Marriage from the scriptures. Brothers for Christ - Largest Christian men's resource dealing with sexual addictions, temptations, family, marriage and spiritual growth. Tons of resources available to help the Christian man in his walk with Jesus Christ. Free courses and videos available to download. Christian Marriage and Family - A personal ministry dedicated to Christian marriage & family. Christianity Today - Marriage - Christianity Today marriage topics, family concerns, sex, relationships and more. Focus on the Family - Marriage - A comprehensive collection of Focus' resources for married couples of all ages MarriageDivorce.com - A Christian Ministry concerning Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage – Christian Marriage Restoration. 2=1 Marriage Ministry - We're here to help improve your marriage in a variety of ways...through classes, seminars, tapes and books we can help you make your marriage more vibrant than it has ever been before! Marriage Alive - Our Vision is to see a movement of trained and equipped couples working through congregations, and other established communities to transform marriage and family relationships. Marriage Plus - Since 1971 Ray Mossholder has presented God's roadmap from the Bible on singleness, marriage, and the family to countless thousands of people all over the world. Arlyne often provides a powerful testimony of God's restoration in her marriage. Rejoice Ministries, Inc. - God heals hurting marriages. Stop Divorce! Helping Christians say no to divorce with books and tapes on marriage restoration.

Let's talk about Marriage first and then we will discuss Divorce...

Many people fail at marriage because the "lustful" love that you had when you first met fades. TV and movies try to sell us the romantic love that never ends and that wonderful gooey feeling that never goes away. But what we never see on TV is the ugly side of life. Your real life spouse that wakes up in the morning with bed head hair, pillow marks on their face. They get dressed and leave their dirty underwear on the floor. They burp at the dinner table. They step on your feelings now and then. They embarrass you in front of your friends or family. They lose their good job. They spend money you were saving to get the car fixed on a new stereo. Etc, etc, etc......

What does the Bible say that love is....

John says that love is of God.

1 John 4:7-8 "Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is begotten of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love."

The most compelling scripture on Love can be found in

1 Corinthians 13:1-13.

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become as sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away. When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

It says that Love is long suffering, bears all thing, endures all things and never fails. Does that mean you will never fight? No. Does that mean that you will never hurt your spouses feelings? No. What it does mean is that even when your feelings are hurt, even when you are mad you forgive. Forgiveness is a big part of love. If we treated our spouse with the love and the forgiveness that we give our children, then there would never be any divorce. What do you do when your toddler colors on your new expensive wallpaper? Do you send him to live with the neighbors? No, you deal with the problem and forgive. What do you do when your child get caught cheating at school? Do you change the locks on the door and never let them back in? No, you deal with the problem and forgive. What do you do when your teenager wrecks the car? Do you disown him from the family and send him away? No, you deal with the problem and forgive.

Matthew 6:14-15 says "Your heavenly Father will forgive you if you forgive those who sin against you; but if you refuse to forgive them, he will not forgive you."

Wow that is pretty powerful scripture. Do we expect God to forgive us of ALL of our sins? Then, God expects us to forgive the sins of our spouses in the same way. People forget that marriage is more that what happens in the bedroom. And what happens in everyday life will affect your life in the bedroom. When you have piles of dirty laundry to do and a messy house to clean, lawn to mow, car to fix, do it joyfully. Your service to your family is your service to God. Love your spouse with your life.

I am sure that everyone has read what the Bible has to say about the roles of wives and husbands in

Ephesians 5:22-33.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it, that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.'' This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. Now this might tell us a lot about the spiritual condition of some women today. Look at the way they are treating their husbands. If we look at how we submit to the Lord, then we can see how we should be submitting to our husbands. What is submission? It is obedience. We know that this does not mean slavery like obedience. But that we should allow our husbands to be the head of the house. Be the leader. Our submission to the Lord is with love, reverence and respect.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church. That's a big love! How did Christ love the church? He laid his life down for it. He forgave our sins. He loves us whether we are good or bad. The Bible also says in

Colossians 3:19 "Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them."

1 Peter 3:7 "Likewise you husbands, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered."

If the husband is not honoring his wife, then his prayers to God are hindered. In the Old Testament, marriages were arranged by the family. People did not date, fall in love and then marry by their own choice. This apparently was a perfectly fine way of handling marriages, because the human race still exists today.

Now let's talk about divorce, here are some instances that divorce is permitted in the Bible. Deuteronomy 24:1-4 says if a man finds no favor in his wife or she is unclean, then he can send her away with a bill of divorce. This wife is free to remarry. But, if he changes his mind and wants his former wife back, this scripture says that he may not remarry her. This same passage is in Jeremiah 3:1, where Jeremiah uses it as an analogy for the leaving/rejection of God. These same principles are mentioned by Paul in Romans 7:1-3.

1 Corinthians 7:10-17 says that if a believing spouse has an unbelieving husband or wife and the unbeliever wants out of the marriage, then they are permitted to divorce. However, if the unbeliever wants to stay in the marriage, then the believer must stay in the marriage as a witness to their unbelieving spouse. Matthew 5:31-32 and Luke 16:18 say that if you divorce you may not remarry, unless the other partner committed adultery. The innocent party of the divorce is permitted to remarry, but the guilty party is committing adultery if they remarry.

So, to sum this all up. If you divorced your first spouse because he/she committed adultery, then you are free to remarry again. If you divorced for "irreconcilable differences" or "no fault" then both have committed adultery if you remarried. Now, what is in the past is past. God can and will forgive us of our sins if we are willing and to humble ourselves before the Lord and confess.

Love is a choice. You choose to love or not love certain people in your life. When you are "not in love" with your spouse anymore, than that is a conscious choice of yours to not love that person. And you have chosen not to love them and love someone or something else. From the previously mentioned scriptures, we know that this is sinful.

We must follow these Biblical principles to have the type of marriage that God expects to have. It doesn't say we will always be happy. It isn't self seeking. It is a pure, blind, whole hearted love. This is the only way to keep happiness in a marriage. This is the only way to save your marriage from divorce. We should look to God's word for answers to our marital problems and obey what God says. If a spouse refuses to do this then they should examine the realness of their salvation.

Marriage Ministry Links

✦Adultery - An exploration of Love and Marriage from the scriptures.

✦Brothers for Christ - Largest Christian men's resource dealing with sexual addictions, temptations, family, marriage and spiritual growth. Tons of resources available to help the Christian man in his walk with Jesus Christ. Free courses and videos available to download.

✦Christian Marriage and Family - A personal ministry dedicated to Christian marriage & family.

✦Christianity Today - Marriage - Christianity Today marriage topics, family concerns, sex, relationships and more.

✦Focus on the Family - Marriage - A comprehensive collection of Focus' resources for married couples of all ages

✦MarriageDivorce.com - A Christian Ministry concerning Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage – Christian Marriage Restoration.

✦2=1 Marriage Ministry - We're here to help improve your marriage in a variety of ways...through classes, seminars, tapes and books we can help you make your marriage more vibrant than it has ever been before!

✦Marriage Alive - Our Vision is to see a movement of trained and equipped couples working through congregations, and other established communities to transform marriage and family relationships.

✦Marriage Plus - Since 1971 Ray Mossholder has presented God's roadmap from the Bible on singleness, marriage, and the family to countless thousands of people all over the world. Arlyne often provides a powerful testimony of God's restoration in her marriage.

✦Rejoice Ministries, Inc. - God heals hurting marriages. Stop Divorce! Helping Christians say no to divorce with books and tapes on marriage restoration.

The Christian arsenal

Marriage Ministries